when i first got pregnant, i was terrified it was going to be a boy. don't get me wrong... there is nothing wrong with boys. i love boys. i love little crazy boys. i love the wild stories and the messes. i just don't envy the mothers of little boys! they climb and punch and my brain just doesn't understand the way they think. i envy the mothers of big boys because there is something special about the way boys love their moms. but i'm terrified of raising boys! i like dolls. i like to paint nails and bake. i like pink and dresses and sparkly shoes. i think boys will be a challenge for me...although i am sure i will fall in love with my boys if the time ever comes that we have one. but as i thought more and more about what it would be like to have a kid, i was just really really hoping for our first baby to be a girl. and i couldn't exactly figure out why!? then, one day i realized what it was. not only do i love girly things like tea parties and pretty pretty princess parties, but i love the whole experience of life as a girl. i love the incredible bond that girls can have with each other. i have been so blessed all my life with incredible girl friends. they have helped shape me and strengthen me in ways i never knew i could grow. i come from a great family of all sisters and i love the relationships i have with them. they are the greatest examples and friends to me. and i think of the way that i feel about my mom and it amazes me that someday someone could love me and look up to me that much. i hope that i'm a great mom to my Lydia the way my mom was and is to me. (Totally not to discredit the men in my family... i will always be grateful for my dad too. i have so much love and respect for him. and Dave is my strength. my best friend and the love of my life... that's just thoughts for another post...) There is just something about the connection that girls can have that makes me so grateful for my little Lydia.
now that i'm an adult, i realize that my best friends really are my family. and i'm so grateful for them. I want Lydia to have the great experiences i had. I want her to be close to her grandmas and to be able to know all about their lives and loves the way I do about mine. I want her to have opportunities to be close to her cousins and siblings the way I am with mine. I want her to love her family and want to be with them. I am excited for the adventures of being a mom to a little girl. I am terrified for the teenage years when she yells and doesn't tell me every day that she loves me and i wonder constantly if i'm doing the right thing. but i'm SO excited for the times when she realizes how much i love her and that i would do anything for her. for the phone calls home from college when she realizes how much she really does need me. i'm just excited for the end when she is my friend.
so now that i have my girl, i'll take whatever comes next (no...not anytime soon... i'm just sayin in the long run...)
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